i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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