Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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