I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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