Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My vagina is officially offended.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
