my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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