I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
