i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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