East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize