what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
