My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
