Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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