Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
