Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
