that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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