how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
