OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
