I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
