yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
