Yo dont text me then not text me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
