I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We need to get me chipped asap
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
