I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
