I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
