You just made me feel so damn special
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
