So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're too hungover to prance.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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