omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
