Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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