Betty ford says i'm here all night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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