She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
