do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
