is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
