it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
