i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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