You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
