I accidentally burped into my bong.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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