bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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