i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
