You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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