Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
