and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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