i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
