So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
