in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
