after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
