Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
