All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
