I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
