): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
