Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
