she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
