3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
