bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
