What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
