It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
