i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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