I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have aggressive nipples.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
