we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
