Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
