If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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