I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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