i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and she was petting her beer can
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
