It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
