sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
