Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
