becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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