and she was petting her beer can
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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