so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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