1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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