i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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