just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
