Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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