dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
