I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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