I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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