Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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