watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
