He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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