you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
